her vagine was all disorganized.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize