in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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