all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize