I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
