Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she was so not down for the gang bang
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wish there were birth control emojis
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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