Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
