Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
