I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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