like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
