he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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