I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
