I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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