i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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