Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you would pick up someone in the library
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize