OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
barbara walters just said penis...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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