this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
