I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
