You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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