david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
bring money and cleavage
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
