btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
