Farmville is her only friend.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
