The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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