the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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