ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
