Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
tell me about the fingering
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
