haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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