Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
