I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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