I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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