just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
