I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
