Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
