it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
