My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
