i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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