Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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