sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
