escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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