He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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