he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
