Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
