Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
