The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
