dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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