so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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