I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
