If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
