you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
