She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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