that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
