and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
