Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
