so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
