Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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