I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
