Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize