That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
