His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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