Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
