I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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