quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
