The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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