He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
