I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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