goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pants are for mortals
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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