im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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