no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
