why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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