I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
