there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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