In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
