His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize